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Thread: Banj: The Stage Play

  1. #1
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    Banj: The Stage Play

    Stage lights come up to reveal a graveyard set with polystyrene gravestone props and leafless trees. Lot's of dry ice. Defused blue light behind rear curtain. Two men, dressed in rags, stand huddled together lighting their cigarettes from the same match.


    Man 1: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."

    Man 2: "Really, what's the name of his other leg?"

    Man 1: "Banj."


    Cue Tom Sawyer by Rush. Cue fireworks at front of stage. Cue Banj on Union Jack parachute prop dropping in on deus ex machina wearing aviators, a brown leather flight jacket, long white Biggles scarf, smoking a cigar and carrying a photo of him and Elvis high-fiving.

    Group of ninjas enter stage left. Banj engages them with machine guns and unarmed combat. Group of large breasted chicks in underwear enter stage right. They huddle around Banj's legs looking longingly at him while he fires cowboy style six-shooters into the air laughing...

    ...fade to black







    God, I'm fucking bored.

  2. #2
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    Why the fuck has no one commented on this yet? Jesus christ, is there no one out there that appreciates legitimate theater anymore? Does no one recognize the desperate cry of the thespian yearning and struggling to do no more than express himself? Can we not all take a step back and apply the principles of this master work to our own lives?

    If not, then aren't we no better than beasts?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by The GHost
    Why the fuck has no one commented on this yet? Jesus christ, is there no one out there that appreciates legitimate theater anymore? Does no one recognize the desperate cry of the thespian yearning and struggling to do no more than express himself? Can we not all take a step back and apply the principles of this master work to our own lives?

    If not, then aren't we no better than beasts?
    No

  4. #4
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    I'm going to be downright honest here... it could have used a lot more tits.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentish
    I'm going to be downright honest here... it could have used a lot more tits.


    I was trying to make it semi-autobiographical and as close to the actual realities of my life as possible. I realise a compromise must be struck when adapting any media to the stage, however, I think I managed to retain my dignity, my integrity and my devotion to the advancement of the theatre.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by The GHost
    Why the fuck has no one commented on this yet? Jesus christ, is there no one out there that appreciates legitimate theater anymore? Does no one recognize the desperate cry of the thespian yearning and struggling to do no more than express himself? Can we not all take a step back and apply the principles of this master work to our own lives?

    If not, then aren't we no better than beasts?
    A thesbian? But I thought Banj was a man?

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by blehman
    Quote Originally Posted by The GHost
    Why the fuck has no one commented on this yet? Jesus christ, is there no one out there that appreciates legitimate theater anymore? Does no one recognize the desperate cry of the thespian yearning and struggling to do no more than express himself? Can we not all take a step back and apply the principles of this master work to our own lives?

    If not, then aren't we no better than beasts?
    A thesbian? But I thought Banj was a man?
    He just plays one on stage.

  8. #8
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    I see a Tony in your future!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentish
    I'm going to be downright honest here... it could have used a lot more tits.
    Story of my life.

  10. #10
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    What happens next?

  11. #11
    [Level 11: Spinal Tap]
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    Act 2 is a work in progress Mxy.

    I've found myself with writers block after that rollercoaster ride opening scene packed with dizzying highs and scarey lows.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by pendelton21
    I see a Tony in your future!
    Confirmed gay. Isn't this the opening for Mama Mia?

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by PwnyBownz
    Quote Originally Posted by pendelton21
    I see a Tony in your future!
    Confirmed gay. Isn't this the opening for Mama Mia?


    ...and Hairspray, Rent, We Will Rock You and High School Musical 4: The Lockers Of Doom

  14. #14
    [Level 5: Mech]
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    Keep it going -

    Lights Up

    Banj, still in a moment of ecstatic triumph, revels in the fond caresses of many, many tits, only to find in that moment of brief darkness the supple wenches had been replaced with angry dwarf tax collectors. They swing at poor Banj's dice bag demanding to see his receipts for all the whores he's trying to claim on his tax return.

    Banj: Blimey! Me ole jolly cock and nuts!

    What happens next???

  15. #15
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    I would watch this.

    I would try to get seats on the right side.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by PwnyBownz
    What happens next???
    I put on my robe and wizard hat

  17. #17
    [Level 11: Spinal Tap]
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    Quote Originally Posted by PwnyBownz
    Banj: Blimey! Me ole jolly cock and nuts!


    Ha ha ha, I love you Pwny.

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