Stage lights come up to reveal a graveyard set with polystyrene gravestone props and leafless trees. Lot's of dry ice. Defused blue light behind rear curtain. Two men, dressed in rags, stand huddled together lighting their cigarettes from the same match.


Man 1: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."

Man 2: "Really, what's the name of his other leg?"

Man 1: "Banj."


Cue Tom Sawyer by Rush. Cue fireworks at front of stage. Cue Banj on Union Jack parachute prop dropping in on deus ex machina wearing aviators, a brown leather flight jacket, long white Biggles scarf, smoking a cigar and carrying a photo of him and Elvis high-fiving.

Group of ninjas enter stage left. Banj engages them with machine guns and unarmed combat. Group of large breasted chicks in underwear enter stage right. They huddle around Banj's legs looking longingly at him while he fires cowboy style six-shooters into the air laughing...

...fade to black







God, I'm fucking bored.