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Thread: The Official Copypasta and Greentext Story Thead

  1. #1
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    The Official Copypasta and Greentext Story Thead

    So from time to time when browing the internet we all come across amusing stories either in greentext form or copypasta from years ago. I figure we can share stories we find and our favorites from times past.
    I'll start with the M&M's copypasta.

    Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.


    Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.


    When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:
    M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.
    along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."


    This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

  2. #2
    Pow! Right in the kisser!
    PappaDukes's Avatar
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    I'm going to copy and paste my fist in your face.

  3. #3
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    Nice. I'll have to find some of my older saved stuff.

  4. #4
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    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
    Stranger: What's up?
    You: The sun. Probably.
    You: Yah it is.
    Stranger: Nope, we're in a heliocentric orbit.
    You: You know what I mean, it's a figure of speech
    Stranger: I know.
    Stranger: I just enjoy being a smartass.
    You: Though incidently the Earth is totally the centre of this 6000 year old Universe.
    Stranger: PRAISE JESUS
    You: He's alright I guess
    Stranger: Eh. I could take him or leave him.
    You: If he washed his feet I'd totally throw him a handjob
    You: Though I hear he is Jewish so I don't know what his opinions on that would be
    Your conversational partner has disconnected.



    I have a lot of these saved.

  5. #5
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    Wow, I miss fucking about on omegle.

  6. #6
    THE MR.E BIRD
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    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
    Stranger: dun
    You: dun
    Stranger: well this is awkward
    You: I know, I might remove my penis from the trifle, pull my pants up and leave.
    Stranger: but WHY
    You: Well because it is awkward and I'm not hungry anyway.
    Stranger: i suppose youre right
    Stranger: they should have tought us how to deal with this type of shit in middle school.
    You: What's school?
    You: I was kept in a shack for the first 12 years of my life, fed nothing but tangerines.
    Stranger: cool story bro
    You: What is a bro?
    You: Is it something I put my penis in?
    Stranger: im sure it's something YOU put your penis in
    You: Most things are
    Stranger: god you are intelligent
    Your conversational partner has disconnected.





    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
    You: Howdy!
    Stranger: my pussys wet
    You: Then dry it silly!
    Your conversational partner has disconnected.

  7. #7
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    Are these all conversations you've had?

  8. #8
    Pow! Right in the kisser!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tarvu View Post
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
    You: Howdy!
    Stranger: my pussys wet
    You: Then dry it silly!
    Your conversational partner has disconnected.
    Makes sense!

  9. #9
    THE MR.E BIRD
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    Quote Originally Posted by noobspoon View Post
    Are these all conversations you've had?
    A looooong time ago.

  10. #10
    Honkey Kong
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    History greentext:

    ">germans getting slaughtered in the danzig corridor (previously german territory)
    >britain gives no resolution to the conflict
    >germany takes matters into their own hands and moves in to stop it
    >britain declares a war over this act


    Meanwhile during the 30s

    >soviets exterminating millions of ukrainians and russians
    >"lol who gives a shit" britain replies


    The british declared war over a small and easily resolvable conflict that they refused to give an answer to"

  11. #11
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    >e3 2013
    >sony and microsoft announce their respective next gen consoles
    >Xbox 420 with dorito and mountain dew sponsering slapped all over it
    >Sony PS4 Vita with no release gaems
    >after doing so a rumble is heard
    >Gaben rolls onto the stage crushing sony and microsoft presenters
    >tries to speak
    >fans excited and cannot contain their pants
    >cut off by ninplebdo entrance music
    >Reggie surfs with a Wii Fit mat on the stage using gaben's sweat
    >Reggie grabs the mic and slowly speaks
    >Wii U was a major flop unforuntely and we will be releasing...
    >Wii U2
    >Fans with a look of disguise and upset
    >Reggie senses fan's displeasure, announces WiiU2's only release title is Just Dance U2
    >Bono flys in the stage being carried by a herd of wild african babies
    >Bono announces "We are proud to release Just Dance U2 on the WiiU2 and... Steambox."
    >The fans spark a cry and start cheering for Gaben
    >Gaben announces "We will be starting development for..."
    >"On the second thought, let me show you..."
    >Gaben increases in size
    >clothes torn
    >Projector plays a film on Gaben's stomach fat
    >GLaDOS is seen in the shadow and a 3 appears.
    >Fans crying and semen-stained underwear id thrown onto the stage
    >Film distorts and we back out of what appears to be a TV
    >Freemen is sitting and watching the TV
    >Rumbling occurs and the top of the house Freemen is in breaks up into pieces and combine are present above the house
    >Camera pans away and we see another 3
    >Fans can't contain the spaghetti and starts bursting everywhere
    >3 turns into dust and we see a group of men walk over the three
    >Camera pans away from dust and we see men dressed in pink and flaming hats
    >Another 3 appears on a building and the camera pans towards it
    >3 vanishes and video is cut
    >Gaben speaks
    >I hope that video kept you entertained
    >smell of sweat and tension everywhere
    >We will be releasing..
    >Gaben is interrupted by WUBWUWNBUWBUWBUWBUWBUWBUBWUBWUBUWUB
    >Dubstep music is heard and the fans cover their ears
    >activision ceo rides on stage with scooter made of 12 year old's money
    >CAWADOODY 13
    >fans pissed, spaghetti begins to flood the entire center
    >everyone dead
    >police find broken flash drive on gabe's corpse
    >label on side of drive
    >TF3/HL3/P3 SOURCE CODE ONLY COPY

  12. #12
    Pwnd
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    I guess screencaps count right? 'Cause I'm not typing this out;


  13. #13
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    Yeh they count, its the same shit.

  14. #14
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    They only count if you CAN READ THEM.

  15. #15
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    Open in new tab silly billy.

  16. #16
    Still responds to BLOO
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    The ass was fat story is the only one that made me laugh, out loud.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Tarvu View Post
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
    Stranger: dun
    You: dun
    Stranger: well this is awkward
    You: I know, I might remove my penis from the trifle, pull my pants up and leave.
    Stranger: but WHY
    You: Well because it is awkward and I'm not hungry anyway.
    Stranger: i suppose youre right
    Stranger: they should have tought us how to deal with this type of shit in middle school.
    You: What's school?
    You: I was kept in a shack for the first 12 years of my life, fed nothing but tangerines.
    Stranger: cool story bro
    You: What is a bro?
    You: Is it something I put my penis in?
    Stranger: im sure it's something YOU put your penis in
    You: Most things are
    Stranger: god you are intelligent
    Your conversational partner has disconnected.





    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
    You: Howdy!
    Stranger: my pussys wet
    You: Then dry it silly!
    Your conversational partner has disconnected.
    Those were funny, what did you do them on?

  18. #18
    THE MR.E BIRD
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    Omegle. It might be different these days though, the last time I really used it was 22 months ago.

  19. #19
    [Level 6: Robot]
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    Omegle is really not the same these days, people expect this kind of shit too much.

  20. #20
    Pwnd
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    Just tried the Omegle thing, this is what we have so far;

    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    Stranger: hi are you m or f?

    You: Male

    You: Yourself?

    Your conversational partner has disconnected.


    Aw man. I scared somebody away with my internet manhood.



    :'(

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