The Official Copypasta and Greentext Story Thead

[noobspoon]

So from time to time when browing the internet we all come across amusing stories either in greentext form or copypasta from years ago. I figure we can share stories we find and our favorites from times past.
I'll start with the M&M's copypasta.

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.


Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.


When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:
M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.
along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."


This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

[PappaDukes]

I'm going to copy and paste my fist in your face.

[usedtabe]

Nice. I'll have to find some of my older saved stuff.

[Tarvu]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: What's up?
You: The sun. Probably.
You: Yah it is.
Stranger: Nope, we're in a heliocentric orbit.
You: You know what I mean, it's a figure of speech
Stranger: I know.
Stranger: I just enjoy being a smartass.
You: Though incidently the Earth is totally the centre of this 6000 year old Universe.
Stranger: PRAISE JESUS
You: He's alright I guess
Stranger: Eh. I could take him or leave him.
You: If he washed his feet I'd totally throw him a handjob
You: Though I hear he is Jewish so I don't know what his opinions on that would be
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


I have a lot of these saved.

[noobspoon]

Wow, I miss fucking about on omegle.

[Tarvu]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: dun
You: dun
Stranger: well this is awkward
You: I know, I might remove my penis from the trifle, pull my pants up and leave.
Stranger: but WHY
You: Well because it is awkward and I'm not hungry anyway.
Stranger: i suppose youre right
Stranger: they should have tought us how to deal with this type of shit in middle school.
You: What's school?
You: I was kept in a shack for the first 12 years of my life, fed nothing but tangerines.
Stranger: cool story bro
You: What is a bro?
You: Is it something I put my penis in?
Stranger: im sure it's something YOU put your penis in
You: Most things are
Stranger: god you are intelligent
Your conversational partner has disconnected.




You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Howdy!
Stranger: my pussys wet
You: Then dry it silly!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[noobspoon]

Are these all conversations you've had?

[PappaDukes]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Howdy!
Stranger: my pussys wet
You: Then dry it silly!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Makes sense!

[Tarvu]

Are these all conversations you've had?

A looooong time ago.

[usedtabe]

History greentext:

">germans getting slaughtered in the danzig corridor (previously german territory)
>britain gives no resolution to the conflict
>germany takes matters into their own hands and moves in to stop it
>britain declares a war over this act


Meanwhile during the 30s

>soviets exterminating millions of ukrainians and russians
>"lol who gives a shit" britain replies


The british declared war over a small and easily resolvable conflict that they refused to give an answer to"

[noobspoon]

>e3 2013
>sony and microsoft announce their respective next gen consoles
>Xbox 420 with dorito and mountain dew sponsering slapped all over it
>Sony PS4 Vita with no release gaems
>after doing so a rumble is heard
>Gaben rolls onto the stage crushing sony and microsoft presenters
>tries to speak
>fans excited and cannot contain their pants
>cut off by ninplebdo entrance music
>Reggie surfs with a Wii Fit mat on the stage using gaben's sweat
>Reggie grabs the mic and slowly speaks
>Wii U was a major flop unforuntely and we will be releasing...
>Wii U2
>Fans with a look of disguise and upset
>Reggie senses fan's displeasure, announces WiiU2's only release title is Just Dance U2
>Bono flys in the stage being carried by a herd of wild african babies
>Bono announces "We are proud to release Just Dance U2 on the WiiU2 and... Steambox."
>The fans spark a cry and start cheering for Gaben
>Gaben announces "We will be starting development for..."
>"On the second thought, let me show you..."
>Gaben increases in size
>clothes torn
>Projector plays a film on Gaben's stomach fat
>GLaDOS is seen in the shadow and a 3 appears.
>Fans crying and semen-stained underwear id thrown onto the stage
>Film distorts and we back out of what appears to be a TV
>Freemen is sitting and watching the TV
>Rumbling occurs and the top of the house Freemen is in breaks up into pieces and combine are present above the house
>Camera pans away and we see another 3
>Fans can't contain the spaghetti and starts bursting everywhere
>3 turns into dust and we see a group of men walk over the three
>Camera pans away from dust and we see men dressed in pink and flaming hats
>Another 3 appears on a building and the camera pans towards it
>3 vanishes and video is cut
>Gaben speaks
>I hope that video kept you entertained
>smell of sweat and tension everywhere
>We will be releasing..
>Gaben is interrupted by WUBWUWNBUWBUWBUWBUWBUWBUBWUBWUBUWUB
>Dubstep music is heard and the fans cover their ears
>activision ceo rides on stage with scooter made of 12 year old's money
>CAWADOODY 13
>fans pissed, spaghetti begins to flood the entire center
>everyone dead
>police find broken flash drive on gabe's corpse
>label on side of drive
>TF3/HL3/P3 SOURCE CODE ONLY COPY

[Sir Legendhead]

I guess screencaps count right? 'Cause I'm not typing this out;

[noobspoon]

Yeh they count, its the same shit.

[PappaDukes]

They only count if you CAN READ THEM.

[noobspoon]

Open in new tab silly billy.

[Hector Garfria]

The ass was fat story is the only one that made me laugh, out loud.

[Panzadolphin56]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: dun
You: dun
Stranger: well this is awkward
You: I know, I might remove my penis from the trifle, pull my pants up and leave.
Stranger: but WHY
You: Well because it is awkward and I'm not hungry anyway.
Stranger: i suppose youre right
Stranger: they should have tought us how to deal with this type of shit in middle school.
You: What's school?
You: I was kept in a shack for the first 12 years of my life, fed nothing but tangerines.
Stranger: cool story bro
You: What is a bro?
You: Is it something I put my penis in?
Stranger: im sure it's something YOU put your penis in
You: Most things are
Stranger: god you are intelligent
Your conversational partner has disconnected.




You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Howdy!
Stranger: my pussys wet
You: Then dry it silly!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Those were funny, what did you do them on?

[Tarvu]

Omegle. It might be different these days though, the last time I really used it was 22 months ago.

[noobspoon]

Omegle is really not the same these days, people expect this kind of shit too much.

[Sir Legendhead]

Just tried the Omegle thing, this is what we have so far;

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi are you m or f?

You: Male

You: Yourself?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.


Aw man. I scared somebody away with my internet manhood.



:'(