I'm glad to have fucked up that video.
So here's a status report on where we're at on our long march to The End:
We now have two brewing stands, a handful of blaze rods, and a direct tunnel to a nether fortress so that we can farm blaze rods and nether warts (an important ingredient for brewing potions). I also managed to kill an Enderman and use his eye to find an End Portal. We need 11 more Ender Eyes to open the portal, though this shouldn't be too difficult as we start building up an armory. I already have a level 30 enchanted bow with Power IV and Infinity on it, as well a diamond pickaxe with Efficiency 3, Unbreakable 3, and Fortune 3, which will help us tremendously in mining diamonds. I also have a pack of 7 wolves following me around, so we should have no problem running through Endermen with an extra person or two tagging along.
Fucking nerd. Can't wait to see all this shit.
Honestly I prefer PC edition. How do you play? Survival or creative?
We suited up. Gathered our things. Turned around to say goodbye to Muscleville one last time.
"Oh wait, I gotta get something" the shirtless bear named Rev said.
As he did his thing I stopped by Snap City to pick up Bloo and ZP. Bloo had on his assless chaps armor and ZP didn't give a fuck about no armor. He lived in Snap City after all.
"Okay I'm ready" Rev called from behind us.
We turned around to see the bear now had a shirt on. He was claiming it to be Diamond, but it was really cloudy ass Turquoise. And he had sewn on a triangle to one butt cheek of his pants. Nigga had that bootleg Guess going on. Whatever, we were going to fight the dragon. Rev could cosplay as whatever he wanted.
We boarded our hovercrafts(hit forward on the left stick twice, holding down a) and made it quickly across the map.
"STOP" Rev yelled. Had he seen an enemy? Was there a real diamond that called attention to the reality of his shirt on the path?
"I forgot the eye of ender. It's in my other shirt that's not really diamond either"
After we all slapped his ass and told him our concerns for making it back before darkness Rev hoverboarded away back to Muscleville. ZP,Bloo and myself took residence in the trees and pretended we were monkeys. Bloo decided the jungle was his and swang from tree to tree. ZP was a perverted orangutan. I watched as he did things to his tree.
It wasn't long before Rev made it back to us, still in his ridiculous-fabulous costume. We all hoverboarded with excitement towards our goal. Right as we got to the Ender Portal darkness fell upon us. We made it inside just in time. The real monkeys had not appreciated us pretending and taking residence in their homes, but they only come out at night so haha suck a dick orangutans.
Rev started the portal with the eye and fairy dust from his
JordacheGuess jeans. He told us to look down when we went through, as Endermen would be all around us. I thought it was a ploy to touch our butts, but I was game either way.
We entered. We were here. A new form of rock lay before us. We gathered it to make our ascent to the towers. As we did we saw these horrifying feet everywhere.
"THERE'S FEET MAN. THERE'S FEET EVERYWHERE" I yelled.
"That's the Endermen" said Rev
"Do they care if I look at their feet?"
"I don't know. I hope not" said Rev cautiously.
At that moment Bloo and I shared a special moment. He, with his assless chaps, and me with my IRON ARMOR FORGED IN THE HELLS OF MUSCLEVILLE decided to switch to third-person view. We had noticed that as long as our characters were not looking directly at the Endermen we would be okay.
"HAHA FUCK YOU ENDERMAN I'M LOOKING ALL AT YOU AN SHIT" I said as I moved the camera around.
We had defeated the Endermen's special powers. Bloo and I promised to celebrate our genius later by sharing a bed together.
We had gathered enough rock to make the ascension to the towers. Apparently the EnderDragon was a punk ass bitch who used hax crystals to live forever. We were going to take care of this problem. We each ascended our tower and destroyed the crystal on top of it. Then we took aim at towers across from us with our BOWS OF MAGICAL. We were shooting at the last two crystals as the beast flew all around us. Then suddenly a shriek:
"YO I GOT THE LAST SHOT DAT WAS ME" cried Bloo. One of the last crystals had been destroyed.
There was the remaining crystal. Far away from our bow shots. It taunted me. So I did what any dude who lived on the hard streets of Muscleville would do, I tore down my rock ladder and descended upon the ground. The last tower would have to be scaled just as those before it. I hopped on my hoverboard(again, f f + a) and dodged fireballs from the Enderdragon to make my way to the tower. My comrades had built heaping fortresses on the carcasses of the once great crystals they had destroyed. Pussies.
It was time. I had made it to the tower. I started my ascension brick by brick. Then I hear it. The EnderDragon.
"Yo Usedtabe he's coming right for you" claimed Rev.
Sure enough, he was. He knocked me off my makeshift ladder with ease. As I landed to a decent amount of fall damage a fireball greeted me. This just after Rev had mockingly said he hoped that dragon came and snapped my shit up. It was then I realized that Rev's Turquoise shirt was indeed controlling the EnderDragon. He was sicking this vile beast on me as he had done with his horde of puppies earlier after I had bested him in battle. Little bitch.
I again attempted to climb the tower. Again Rev called his beast on me to knock me off, only this time from a much greater height. The fall left me with only half a heart. Was this it? Was this my ticket to Snap City? NO I told myself, I CAN NEVER BE A LITTLE BITCH AND RESIDE IN SNAP CITY. It was go time. I poop-butted those bricks below my after each jump so fast the dragon didn't know what to do. I was at the top, finally.
"Yo how I break this cage? It's all iron an shit"
"Use da pickaxe" explained Rev. And that's what I did.
The cage was destroyed. Now I beat up the last crystal and it was destroyed. Time to build my fortress as the EnderBitch was in it's final bitch ass form. We rained arrows upon it when it landed. Then when it flew it still wanted to attack me. It shot fireballs only at me. Must've gotten a whiff of that sweet sweet manpussy when it knocked me off that second time. Who could blame the beast, it is known across the lands I have the sweetest manpussy in all of Muscleville. I asked Rev to call his bitch off but he just laughed.
"Yo you a bitch Rev" I exclaimed.
"I'LL KILL YOU AND I WON'T FEEL BAD WHEN YOU DIE" Rev responded.
He began to fling arrows at my tower instead of at the EnderBitch.
"Am I hitting you?" he asked.
"Nah dawg you off" I replied.
"Do I need to go a little higher or a little lower?"
"FUCK YOU I AIN'T HELPING YOU KILL ME NIGGA" I said shockingly. How dare he ask me to cheat myself.
After failing to defeat me as he always does, Rev focused again on the EnderBitch. She was close to dead. We all took one last draw and BOOM bitch ass ho went down.
"YO THAT WAS ME I GOT THE LAST SHOT" screeched Bloo.
I looked across and noticed Rev was tearing down his ladder and leaving his tower.
"We're supposed to go down there Right Rev?" asked Bloo
Silence. That's when I informed them that Rev was the biggest Nagger of all time because he was silently making his way down to collect all the bomb ass loot.
"YOU'RE A FUCKING NAGGER REV. A FUKKIN NAGGER. I KNEW THAT SILENCE FROM YOU MEANT YOU WAS SUSPECT" I called out.
*giggles from Rev*
Being the last one down, I collected no loot. Even though I had been the only one fighting off the advances from the EnderBitch, I got nothing for my troubles. No, Rev thought he was going to take it all like the bitch he is. But little did he know ZP had beat him to all of it. ZP was a Jew you see, and he had already planned ahead of time to get that loot. ZP laughed all the way to bank. Brother Nathaniel had been right all along.
Actually, I said, "I hope this dragon shits on usedtabe," to which it then did. I definitely was not concerned for your safety. Just a minor correction.
It's like an episode of South Park.
Some liberties were taken in Used's account. My lawyer advises that I refrain from further comment until he can get in touch with Mr. Table.
Did get the last shot in, just as I was the one who broke the last crystal. I understand that you're a bitch Usedtabe, we all do, just stop trying to lie to us.
You can thank me for beating the enderdragon as I did the most.
Why did he omit the conversation about the monkey dick sucking? That was his favorite part.
Y'ALL CAN WRITES YOUR OWN FANFIC RETELLING OF LAST NIGHT'S EVENTS UNGRATEFUL ASSHOLES!!!!
But really, thanks to Rev for doing 90% of the work getting us to the point to be able to fight the EnderBitch.
Mojang already wrote the best fanfic.
"The Universe said 'I love you.'"
Brilliance. It's just so deep.
Notch don't know shit about no MuscleVille so he auto-loses.
Riding Rev's coattails for the end game has made me want to hop back in and build stuff for real. I'll have to see if that feeling actually sticks around and makes me do so.