Which Platforming Hero could survive a zombie apocalypse?

[Epic-KxDtoid]

Putting the spin on the Zombie Apocalypse theme (sort of), I ask this question: Which Videogame hero from any classic or Modern Platformer could survive a Zombie Apocalypse? In order to choose a character, he must pass all 5 requirements:
-Transportation?
-What means of protection?
-Able to get nourishment?
-Any setbacks, like weaknesses?
-Will they go find a cure?

So, let's Get the ball rolling:

Splosion Man
-Transportation is on foot, powered by sploding
-Ability to summon miniature nuclear explosions at will
-Doesn't eat. Eats cake/donuts/meat for enjoyment
-Only setback is weak against liquids & can only splode 3 times in a row
-Won't find a cure. Only find friends.

[Byronic Man]

Gordon Freeman. He has a pipe and he fights vampires.

[Tarvu]

Tetrobot
- Has tiny little legs
- Very small, unlikely to be noticed by zombies
- Robots don't eat
- Lava... uh... bacteria.
- Won't find a cure unless one can be made by rearranging blocks that matter.

[Mighty Hatman]

Gordon Freeman. He has a pipe and he fights vampires.

Fuck that's what I wanted to say.


Erm, Doom Guy. He has a shotgun and doesn't afraid of anything.

[ZombiePlatypus]

BOWSER, KING OF THE KOOPAS


-Transportation? That bitdhin' clown faced helicoptery thingy. KEEPS HIM ABOVE THE UNDEAD HORDES!!
-What means of protection? Bitchin' helicoptery thing and also thick reptilian skin adn awesome spiked shell.
-Able to get nourishment? Yep. Hee can burn shit with his fier breath and then eat it. Maybe he;dd eat hisgoombas too, who knows...
-Any setbacks, like weaknesses? He loves too much. He;s got such a big heart, he mighrt go to foolish lengths for his lady-love Peach...
-Will they go find a cure? Npope, but he;ll have his dude the MAgiKoopa find a cure with MAGIC so it;s all good.

[TurboKill]

Well, Kirby of course.

- Transportation? - He flies by inhaling air.
- Protection? - He's Kirby, he will swallow danger.
- Get nourishment? - See: He's Kirby
- Setbacks? - He likes to scavenge for secrets and makes things a higher difficulty as a result.
- Find a cure? - If Kirby collaborated with Gordan Freeman after swallowing a zombie, he could probably formulate a vaccine.

[MATRiX]

Mega Man X - Ultimate Armor

-Transportation - Nova Crush, teleportation, dashing.
-What means of protection - Nova Crush, huge-ass blaster, just about any weapon you'd need
-Able to get nourishment - doesn't need it, he's a fuckin' robot.
-Any setbacks, like weaknesses - um... spikes?
-Will they go find a cure - Hell yeah, man. He's a hero for sure. He'll whine a bit, but still.

[Zayle]

The Prince! You know, the one who can control time.

- Haste. He'll run everywhere before the zombies know he's there.
- If he gets killed, he can just unkill himself. If he gets zombie'd, well, we're doomed.
- Nourishment? When the apocalypse starts, he'll go back and make sure that he has a big stash of food before it starts.
- Like X above, he'd better hope the zombies aren't setting up spike traps.
- Cure? No, he'll just kill them all.

[Epic-KxDtoid]

Mighty Hatman knows fuck all about videogames.
Gordon Freeman has a pipe?. Fuck outta here, nigga.

The Prince (PoP 2008)
Transportation-Wall claw.
Protection-A shamsir blade. If he dies, Elika will come out of nowhere and save him
Nourishment-he'll stock up
Setbacks-Unlike Sands of Lame Prince, fuck spikes. Long falls, however...
Cure-Sever the tree of Ormazd, unleashing Ahriman, and killing Ahriman at the cost of letting Erika die, sever tree again, rinse repeat. Better than zombies!

[Epic-KxDtoid]

Wait, Byronic Man knows fuckall as well.

[Flyin_Bryan8]

Kratos from God of War could survive a zombie apocalypse. He's just that good.

[Polite Gentleman]

Nathan Drake

-Transportation? - Well, he can drive stuff
-What means of protection? - He can climb. Zombies can't climb.
-Able to get nourishment? - Well, he can go around for hours without eating anything...
-Any setbacks, like weaknesses? - If you don't time his jumps on time, he may fall and die.
-Will they go find a cure? - He already has a cure, since he's got regenerative health.

[ZombiePlatypus]

I think I win with Bowser, King of the Koopas.

[The Silent Protagonist]

Tanooki Suit Mario, y'all.

He can fly, bash things with his tail or jump on then and if surrounded, he can turn to a statue. Zombies don't eat stone. This will also allow him to withstand hunger, as statues don't get hungry.

[Epic-KxDtoid]

Earthworm Jim
-Rocket Booster
-Plasma pistol
-Worms eat dirt
-Considering he can just live underground if he loses his suit, no. Also, Crows.
-Nah, he's a worm! He'd just leave earth.

[Epic-KxDtoid]

Nathan Drake

-Transportation? - Well, he can drive stuff
-What means of protection? - He can climb. Zombies can't climb.
-Able to get nourishment? - Well, he can go around for hours without eating anything...
-Any setbacks, like weaknesses? - If you don't time his jumps on time, he may fall and die.
-Will they go find a cure? - He already has a cure, since he's got regenerative health.

Uhm......yeah Zombies can climb. 90% of all zombie culture says so.

[ZombiePlatypus]

Romero or "classic" zombies can't. Nu-zombies can.

[Polite Gentleman]

I'm old school, dawg.

[Mighty Hatman]

Mighty Hatman knows fuck all about videogames.
Gordon Freeman has a pipe?. Fuck outta here, nigga.

The Prince (PoP 2008)
Transportation-Wall claw.
Protection-A shamsir blade. If he dies, Elika will come out of nowhere and save him
Nourishment-he'll stock up
Setbacks-Unlike Sands of Lame Prince, fuck spikes. Long falls, however...
Cure-Sever the tree of Ormazd, unleashing Ahriman, and killing Ahriman at the cost of letting Erika die, sever tree again, rinse repeat. Better than zombies!

Wait, Byronic Man knows fuckall as well.

Pipe = penis.

Or something. I can't be arsed correcting people.

[Byronic Man]

Wait, Byronic Man knows fuckall as well.

*comical trumpet noises*