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Thread: Tales from the workspace

  1. #1
    OpiumHerz's Avatar
    9,989 posts since May 2013

    Tales from the workspace

    okay, reading about shitty work in The Bar and hearing about retail stories, this thing might be good idea. I guess everyone has one or two funny anecdotes from his work to tell, and you poor swines who have to do retail even more - and sharing is caring. You might want to anonymize to a certain degree for obvious reasons, but I'll leave that up to. You may also see this as a chance to maybe vent a bit about work stuff, that might not necessarily belong in the venting anger thread.

    And while I work an office job and thus don't have too much stuff I could tell, I'll start right away.
    So in Germany you have two ways of insurance: normal and private. Being private means you get to see the bill too. My job is practically to determine what goes on that bill. We are, by law I might add, instructed to put overweight on there once a BMI of 30 is achieved. So this one time I carry some files around and pass along the reception where a woman, apparently a private patient, is yelling at the poor lady there. That overweight is standing on their bill and that's SO inappropiate and we shall remove it and whatnot. Suffice it to say: the women sitting on the reception no nothing about how the bills are made (there is a code system in place where each code stands for a diagnosis and... it's boring to most).
    The great thing about this was that this woman really wasn't just overweight. She was legitimately FAT. Like... a mountain of flesh. This woman could have taken twenty loans from the salesman of Venice and still be normal weight after repaying him. Thank god I could just chuckle about that and walk on.

    Another one was quote from a patient's file, since the nurses should document everything they do.
    "Patient asks for laxative. Patient gets barbiturate."

    To end this one, a little story from my mum. She works in retail in a large store and in the toy section there. Once, right after christmas, a woman stormed in and yelled like hell. She bought her kid a toy for christmas and after a few hours it stopped working already and it's all shit and yadda yadda yadda. She was raging harder than any CoD kiddie and slammed an (original) Gameboy on the table. So while she was still yelling and huffing my mum exchanged the batteries, turned the Gameboy on and showed her the working toy.
    --> that was the moment I decided I never want to work retail. Ever.

    So, anyone else has something to share?

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by OpiumHerz View Post
    that was the moment I decided I never want to work retail. Ever.
    Working in retail, i can tell you that that will be one of the wisest choices you'll make in live, Stories like that are not uncommon as retarded assholes thrive wherever customer interactions are involved.

    They all know your boss by name and promise they'll get you fired for not breaking the rules, they all demand delivery to their cars for even the lightest objects, try to haggle 25% off on new and packaged products and expect extensive hand-holding even when telling them where the customer-toilets are and how to flush them.

    The worst thing is that theft usually involves them not willing to shell out on single-dollar items, which makes it all the more enjoyable seeing them being dragged away by the cops.

    TL;DR any job with customer service will make you misanthropic and on the long term a Breivik-grade psychological hazard.

  3. #3
    OpiumHerz's Avatar
    9,989 posts since May 2013
    Quote Originally Posted by Tautologic Pleonasm View Post
    TL;DR any job with customer service will make you misanthropic and on the long term a Breivik-grade psychological hazard.
    That I am anyway. I mean, I basically read death diaries to squeeze the most money out of it for a living. You either become a disconnected cynic or you start sucking at this job. I consider myself to be pretty good.

    Another gem, you gotta love the university graduates: when a patient has a someone with him for whatever reason (mental retardation is a pretty normal reason tfor this) the doctor has to sign a paper saying that the additional person, which the insurance has to pay for, is needed, when the patient is above the age of 8. This is absolutely SOP. Basic stuff. So we have a heavily mentally retarded patient, 20 years old. I look for the paper - nope. Give it to the doctor, write her a mail, her answer:
    "What protocol is that supposed to be?"

    Jesus fucking christ...

  4. #4
    Once I was on the job and I saw a man die.

  5. #5
    Nanashi's Avatar
    5,716 posts since Feb 2014

    I've gotten yelled at a few times, though I don't have a lot of work experience.

  6. #6
    Old Lion's Avatar
    7,747 posts since Apr 2013

    Quote Originally Posted by Gatsby View Post
    Once I was on the job and I saw a man die.
    My postman uncle in Peru saw the same thing.

  7. #7
    Closest to retail I've gotten was working at Blockbuster Video. Before the downfall, that shit was a dream job for a cinemaphile/slacker. Had a laid back boss, hot coworkers, hardly any customers some days so we'd just goof off hardcore and watch whatever or play music on the tvs. The whole nine. Choco Tacos for days, son.

    But like all of my dreams, of course, that too had to die.

  8. #8

    3,965 posts since Jul 2013
    Quote Originally Posted by Gatsby View Post
    Once I was on the job and I saw a man die.
    You live in Detroit though. So cheating?

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by FlyByNight View Post
    You live in Detroit though. So cheating?
    Actually both incidents were in a city called Brighton, which is an upper middle class whitey haven.

  10. #10
    nmcmahan52's Avatar
    1,242 posts since Jun 2011

    Nothing really horrible for me, in high school I worked pizza delivery so I saw the usual shit, in college I worked at a gas station, got flashed a few times by some hotties but for the most part I saw people blow entire paychecks trying to win the lottery which I thought was pretty sad.

    Now I work in an office and there are little to no stories.

  11. #11
    Mix's Avatar
    5,633 posts since Nov 2006

    I might have one or

    My 2nd ever job was working in a meat department (Union Job) and I was new. On my like 5th day, the guy I was hired alongside to work with did not show up and we had to wrap meat and stock the shelves which was about 2 pallets of stuff each day. Well I tried to do the job of two people before we opened and the manager actually pulled me aside and gave me shit for still having a pallet on the floor while we were still open....I found a new job about 2 days later and came in that morning 6am and told them I was quitting and not giving my notice and not working today. Felt fucking awesome.

    I worked at Tim Hortons for almost 4 years (was A supervisor for 3) while going to college and that shit was easy but man, the lies and complaints people make up. Guy was going to sue us because he got sick from drinking like 3 day old milk and was poisoned...too bad expired milk doesn't do anything besides taste like ass but even then, 3 days old...come on.

    I had a guy come in saying he ordered 12 donuts and only got 6 and he had the big 12 pack of donut box with only 6 donuts and you could SEE that there were rings of grease where more used to be. I told him that no one would fill up a huge box when we have a box that holds exactly 6. He actually laughed and said, yeah, thought it was worth a try...what the fuck dude?

    Another guy was swearing and at me for getting the wrong sandwich and he threw it on the counter yelling "I ordered a fucking turkey bacon club, what the fuck is this" and I looked and said "That's a turkey bacon club" the moron got his sandwiches mixed up and ordered the wrong one. I did not make him a new one and did not give him his money back.

    Another guy came through the drive through and wanted green tea (about 3-4 people wear headsets so we all heard this) so he drives up and we hand him his tea. He immediately says no, I want Green Tea and we explain it is green tea. He then yells that he just want the bag of green tea so we get a single bag and charge him ($1.03 or whatever and he pays). We go to hand him the single bag of green tea and he starts freaking out saying "I WANT A FUCKING BOX OF GREEN TEA" . Did he really think a box of green tea was $1? Not once did he ask for a box so the punches the green tea that was still sitting on the counter (he is like 40 years old) and spills it all over our counter and on an employees legs (only a bit) and rips off in his car. We got to call the cops quite often, lol.

    One old lady was yelling at my manager because the Tim Hortons curling event was on like Monday and she wanted to watch it Tuesday. She actually wanted him to phone 'someone' to change the date...100% serious.

    An old lady was waiting in line and quietly came up and asked for the supervisor, I asked her what was up. She then asked if I could call an ambulance as her friend wasn't doing too well. In the corner of the store an old lady was PASSED THE FUCK OUT on our table! I called 911 right away and the next day that lady brought me some flowers! I don't know what the lady was thinking but you don't wait in line to get someone to call 911.

    The absolute BEST part of the drive through was since you were higher up and leaning over you got to see up SOOOO many skirts. Tough dumb kids comes rolling through the drive through and his hot girl in the passenger seat...boom panties, lol. 99% of women driving in a skrit...boom panties, lol. I also Saw a boob one time too as her shirt was open and BOOM nipple was hanging out and she was in her 40's and hot, I hit my head on the window for that one when I leaned back in from handing her a coffee, lol.

    That's about all I can think of off the top of my head.
    Last edited by Mix; 02-21-2014 at 03:58 PM.

  12. #12
    So far these are all great, best thread

  13. #13
    Old Lion's Avatar
    7,747 posts since Apr 2013

    I've had people (I don't work the phones, but I've been there when it happened) call the doctor's office hoping to see the doctor for the most horrible stuff. Heart attacks, strokes, being wracked with pain, etc. Every time the people are told that the doctor does not have the equipment to help them and they should go to the hospital. About half of the people decline. Sometimes, they just come into the office in the middle of a heart attack. Then we have to call an ambulance.

  14. #14
    macbrian's Avatar
    6 posts since Feb 2014
    quite a few years ago I used to work for a TV magazine. As most magazines do, they had a crosswords-puzzle in the magazine. One day a guy called the office (I don't even know how he got the number) and said he had trouble solving the crosswords. And, seriously, wanted me to tell him the capital of Tibet. I even got into some kind of discussion with him remember telling him to look it up in map, and that capitals are usually in bold print. It's Lhasa, if anyone's wondering...

  15. #15
    I don't think I'm gonna go into work today, but I'll talk to the recruiter and tell her what's up. I took the job mainly for the forklift position, and I made that pretty clear by asking about it and telling them I'm certified, multiple times. Not only was the position not open but now it looks like they're laying off temps anyway by getting rid of 3rd shift, which is what I wanted to transfer to.

    And last week I almost got into it with the idiot who likes pulling the seniority card and act like he knows what he's doing, when half the time he just fucks up and makes more work for us. And he's been there over a fucking year. How are you still fucking this retardedly simple ass job up? And of course, out of every temp who doesn't give a shit about the work there, he's there every goddamn day. The two 20-something single mothers there look like bruce lee/einstein compared to him. So yeah, if that's who I have to look forward to working with in that joint, no thanks. One of the few saving graces about temp gigs is that I can't get mad enough to bitch people out for something I could care less about. If it was a permanent position somewhere, I'd get in his face about what a fuck-up he is and then tell the supervisor to put him in a corner where he can't get in my way.

  16. #16
    Oh kids, have I got stories. Here's a little diddy to start you off.

    I work in an environmental testing lab, now people tend to just see the part about it being a laboratory and assume we can test any and everything. I've had people call and ask if we could test food from a nursing home to see if it was poisoned. Pro-tip, if you think your mother is being poisoned by her nursing home maybe you should get her the fuck outta there before randomly calling up testing labs.

    Anyhow, one day this guy walks in and I'm standing at my counter all professional and stuff. He doesn't seem to have any samples with him, but sometimes people leave them in the car until they know they have the right place so I ask what brings him in. He looks around then leans in and asks me if we test semen. I told him no, fully convinced that he was prepared to give me a sample right then and there. He asks if I know a place that does to which I reply in the negative. He turns and leaves. I go replay the conversation to one of my co-workers. "What did he want it tested for?"

    Yeah, sorry I didn't really want to find out at the time.

  17. #17
    King Zelos's Avatar
    3,913 posts since Sep 2013
    I don't really have anything crazy. I was a Bouncer for about a year give or take. It's your run of the mile Bouncer shit, destroying kids that act like tough guys because they think since they're with 3-4 other friends that they need to prove something. Getting the occasional BJ in the employe only bathroom -- watching random girls/guys get fucking bombed after only 2 drinks. My favorite is when the random girlfriend comes along and tries to drag her man out the club, shit is priceless.

    I'm just happy as fuck I left that job, it pays extremely well but personally for me it's not worth the stress.

  18. #18
    OpiumHerz's Avatar
    9,989 posts since May 2013
    Quote Originally Posted by Zodiac Eclipse View Post
    Oh kids, have I got stories. Here's a little diddy to start you off.
    Lovely. Just lovely.

    Quote Originally Posted by King Zelos View Post
    Getting the occasional BJ in the employe only bathroom
    I love some Ben & Jerry's.

  19. #19
    King Zelos's Avatar
    3,913 posts since Sep 2013
    Quote Originally Posted by OpiumHerz View Post
    I love some Ben & Jerry's.
    Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough or bust.

  20. #20
    Old Lion's Avatar
    7,747 posts since Apr 2013

    Phish Food, mutha fucka.

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