Have you read The Name of the Wind or The Wise Man's Fear?
And about the Gats situation, I think he also deleted his Twitter account. I tried looking for it a while ago and came up with nothing. Dude went completely ghost. It seems like he has these random episodes once every few years.
Tell him that I love him and I hope he's safe
Ĥ̸̢̧̛̬͔̮͈͐̐ͫ̆́ͪ͟Ạ̴̹̝̮̰̤́̂͗̒͑͗M̨̛͍̬̗͕̝̾̆̈́͒̀ͮ̈́̽̑̈͆ ̺̪̠̮̮̙̪̩̫̮̥͕L̵͇̩̞̰͑̅̌̓̉́̕͘͟E̵̻̗̠͖̖̳̞̗̘̞̯͔̠̱̅̍̀̽̅͢͡ ̟̣̱̰͎T͗̃͒̓̅̋ͨ̍ͪͩ̈ͦ͢͞҉͢͏͍̳̙͕͔͚̻͓̻͓͖͍̩.
I've been a bit out of it lately, the brave face is still on but it's been fading recently.
Late last year my best bud's little boy was diagnosed with leukaemia. That alone is enough to knock you for six, many thoughts enter your head as to why, what can you do to help, feeling useless and so on. The treatment is in full flow and is taking it's toll. All I can do is be there for my mate and family should they need anything, but that can feel like it's not enough.
In turn, this is a guy I trust with everything, so naturally my insignificant issues are parked and I have absolutely no problem in doing that, I'll always care more for others than I do for myself and he's been the best support and friend for me for a decade.
It's why I haven't posted much the last couple of weeks, I've dived straight into games, music, liquor; keeping distracted rather than face my thoughts, but not getting any of that shit out there is wearing me down. Of course a lot of that distraction is games with said friend or popping out for a couple of drinks, so the brave face has to be on pretty much all the time.
The thing that pisses me off is that the shit swirling around my head is inane.
Mortgage application is in the start of it's process, worried about it being rejected and letting my parents down as it'll be their way into retirement with a good sum of money behind them. Of course there's the added responsibilities of owning a home that will sit in the back of your mind, but it's the not knowing if it will be accepted that's the bigger issue. If it fails, then the house I'd like to have as my own and has been my home for 24 years, except for a brief 6-8 months in a flat, will have to be sold to someone else and then there's the huge upheaval of having to move and be somewhere new.
I'm aware of a colleague being interested in me romantically, something I want nothing to do with. We're out for someone else's party on Saturday, a big group of us and she'll be there. That alone doesn't bother me, but the fact that if she approaches me I'll have to hurt someone's feelings is fucking with me. No matter how well constructed the let down maybe, I know I'll be hurting someone again.
Work is being a drag, I had that positive outlook that I've mentioned before, being on a reserve list for a new position in another office. What I took from it was my writing for the competency framework was in the right direction, not much left to do to escape and possibly get promoted. But since that last round of jobs, nothing else has come up to apply for. I feel stuck and I've stayed too comfortable in a near to home job I've never liked.
It's been a crazy few months, most of it in my head, a lot of it I can't help. It's maddening.
Cheers bud. I'd definitely turn out to be a Butterfree.
Hang in there Edd. If you ever need an ear, I got 2 for you.
There's more in the freezer if you need them.
I posted about my experiences with depression in my intro blog. I know I'm new, but if anyone ever wants to talk about it just let me know!
Wanking, lots of wanking.