Depression Thread - What takes you out of the dumps and what's been bugging you?

[Revuhlooshun]

My experience is that you can only help people who want to be helped. That's not to say that you shouldn't try to help him per se, but rather that you should expect your help to collect dust in his subconscious until some event occurs that makes him realize that things need to change. Everybody has to hit a bottom where they realize that their problems are not beyond the comprehension of other people and that maybe the advice they've been given might actually have some weight.

[JT Murphy]

Aside from losing a family member recently, the reaction of the world in general to the Newtown shooting has got me down. The victims' bodies hadn't even gone cold yet before I had to hear from far too many people- both those I agree with and those I don't- finding ways to use 20 dead children to bolster their political platforms or justify their life's choices. The fallout from Columbine was fucking awful, and now we get to relive those times all over again, only this time the bodies at the center of it are even younger.

Also, Revuhlooshun's got it right. It's astonishingly difficult to get anyone to accept a truth that doesn't benefit them unless they felt they came up with it themselves. I've both dealt with this behavior and experienced it myself- and I'm not completely convinced I'm not unawarely doing some awful thing or another.

[Panzadolphin56]

Thanks for the feedback Dare. I'm doing what I can, but it's hard sometimes. He has started taking some antidepressants and meds for anxiety so at least he's finally doing something. I used to be a lot harder on him about it until I got diagnosed with depression and realized how much I suddenly understood some of what he's feeling. Difference being I could make myself do things if I know I absolutely had to, he doesn't seem able to.

Just gonna keep offering any help he'll accept and hoping for the best at this point. Guess I just need to vent to people who would get what I was talking about.

Sounds like you're doing the best thing, depression is horrible but it helps a lot knowing that people care.

My experience is that you can only help people who want to be helped. That's not to say that you shouldn't try to help him per se, but rather that you should expect your help to collect dust in his subconscious until some event occurs that makes him realize that things need to change. Everybody has to hit a bottom where they realize that their problems are not beyond the comprehension of other people and that maybe the advice they've been given might actually have some weight.

I think it depends what kind of depression you have though, you can have the sort of passing kind that we all have, or you can have one of those moments in your life when you realise nothing's going right and it keeps dragging you down everyday till things in your life change; and then there's some people that have a sort of depression that most of us can't appreciate that they just can't escape without medication and help, no matter how hard they try.

[Revuhlooshun]

There are very few people in the world whose experiences are outside of human comprehension or psychology. Whatever feeling or situation you're having, someone in the world has had it ten times worse, and they've both been studied up and down by certified professionals longer than you've entertained either of them. It's that "I'm a special snowflake, nobody knows what it's like" attitude that causes so many people to bury their heads in the sand and act like nobody could ever fathom an inkling of what they're going through, which then causes them to block out any advice or suggestion that maybe they need to change shit.

You've got to have gone through some really bizarre and wicked shit to fall outside of this rule of thumb, so unless you've been forcibly sodomized with a newspaper by Daffy Duck while locked up underneath the Magic Kingdom for half of your life, there's somebody out there that knows what you're going through. And until a person realizes that--that they are not a special snowflake, and that there do exist people who can offer them solutions--you can only do so much to help them before they have to decide to help themselves.

[Panzadolphin56]

Well if we're talking about professional help then yeah, but what I meant is most people who've never had depression, real depression, can appreciate how debilitating it truly is, and how lost you feel when you have it. For some people it's enough to give them hope or to give them a goal that works them out of their unhappiness for others that's not enough, there is no escaping rock bottom without medication or therapy of some sort.

[Revuhlooshun]

But what does that have to do with somebody who refuses to either acknowledge that they have a problem or to take the steps required to solve it? Whether or not clinically healthy people are capable of using empathy to understand the plight of the depressed seems to be a bit of a tangent. You're focusing on a very small aspect of a very large equation. Whether the advice is from someone with depression, someone without depression, or a trained professional, it will fall on deaf ears until a person acknowledges that it's even possible for anybody to know what they're going through at all. Until they acknowledge that they have a problem and that it's possible for other people to address it, they generally will not entertain even the most professional of help.

[Panzadolphin56]

Well, nothing I guess.

I was making the point that sometimes hitting rock bottom isn't all that matters. No need to go apeshit.

[dare]

Thanks for the feedback Dare. I'm doing what I can, but it's hard sometimes. He has started taking some antidepressants and meds for anxiety so at least he's finally doing something. I used to be a lot harder on him about it until I got diagnosed with depression and realized how much I suddenly understood some of what he's feeling. Difference being I could make myself do things if I know I absolutely had to, he doesn't seem able to.

Just gonna keep offering any help he'll accept and hoping for the best at this point. Guess I just need to vent to people who would get what I was talking about.

The medication is a HUGE step that people with depression and/or anxiety often refuse to try, or insist that past usage didn't work on them. It's a tricky process because it can take weeks to show stable results, and the right cocktail of meds can be different for everyone. As for making yourself do what you absolutely had to, it varies from person to person. If they are married, if they have kids they're responsible for, etc are major factors. Some make it easier to get yourself to do, some make it harder. And this is before individual personality is involved, quality of life, past experiences, etc.

I would take the medication attempt as a positive sign as long as he sticks with it. People in the early stages want results instantly but it doesn't work that way. Just be as supportive as you can, and try to keep him active if he'll do anything. Inactivity makes things a lot worse.

[Revuhlooshun]

Well, nothing I guess.

I was making the point of noting that sometimes hitting rock bottom isn't all that matters. No need to go apeshit.

There's no apeshitting. I'm not sure why you're taking my responses personally or in any angry tone.

And until a person hits bottom and realizes that they need help, it's the most important thing that matters (nowhere was it said that it was the only thing that matters). You can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped. What's the first step to solving your problem? Admitting that you have a problem.

[GlowBear]

I think it depends what kind of depression you have though, you can have the sort of passing kind that we all have, or you can have one of those moments in your life when you realise nothing's going right and it keeps dragging you down everyday till things in your life change; and then there's some people that have a sort of depression that most of us can't appreciate that they just can't escape without medication and help, no matter how hard they try.

It does come in my forms. Sometimes I'm not even sure if calling it depression is always 'correct' but the word encompasses a major feeling, so in that regard it's apt to be used for many situations, clinical or otherwise.
I've been told that maybe I should have gone on medication just for my own relief. I know people who suffer from bad depression and take medication, so when I say "it's not for me" and "I'd rather not take drugs that give me a false sense of relief, when I could be getting through it raw and going out there doing things that will create real changes for the better" - I don't mean any disrespect to others, I just know myself and know what I'd rather do, stubbornly or not.

Everyone has similar experiences and as Rev said so many things can be emphasised by others, but within that general notion
is the one that everyone is also different and you can't always easily catergorise what they're going through.

[Steven Hansen]

[Zodiac Eclipse]

My experience is that you can only help people who want to be helped. That's not to say that you shouldn't try to help him per se, but rather that you should expect your help to collect dust in his subconscious until some event occurs that makes him realize that things need to change. Everybody has to hit a bottom where they realize that their problems are not beyond the comprehension of other people and that maybe the advice they've been given might actually have some weight.

It's not a matter of him not knowing he's got problems, or thinking that his problems are so special that nobody could understand them. Just a matter of not knowing what to do about them because he's depressed and anxious and doesn't know what would help him be less of either or how to go about asking for it. Just felt the need to clarify that it's not his obliviousness to the issue that's the problem.


Also Steven, that video was really good. I don't usually have time to watch vid links, but it was well worth it. Thanks.

[Revuhlooshun]

Well if that's the case, I'd just tell him that doing something is better than nothing, even if it might take a while for him to arrive at where he needs to be. Finding the right answer for somebody can be overwhelming, but you have to start somewhere. I'm sure that most people with this affliction fumbled their way through a number of options before finding the right solution for them.

[Wry Guy]

Depression is a bitch. I was wrestling with it a little while. Lost my job and started watching all my savings starting to evaporate. My weight losing progress was also starting to backslide too. Thankfully I've managed to keep it in the neutral zone, slide forward again and just maintained my current weight despite my lack of activity.

In my experience the only true solution to depression is having a plan. I looked at every resource possible and thought of ways out of my situation, to a degree that was maybe a little desperate. So far it's paid off as I spent money relatively wisely and have two part time jobs with decent pay. They get me around a very big area too, so I can stay on the hunt for something better.

I figure depression is an impossible feeling for people who don't acknowledge they have a problem to the outside world, and also don't have problem solving skills. It is a skill.

[GlowBear]

Depressed persons worst enemy- lovely naps. Naps are scoop good but when you're sleeping to kill time and be unconscious in bad times...it doesn't lead anywhere good. I wet through a period of messed up sleeping patterns (thankfully dtoiders were up late heh) and forced sleeping and it didn't help, made me feel like shit

[Panzadolphin56]

Actually I always feel better after a nap, it's like a short break. Which for some reason doesn't work with proper sleep :/

[GlowBear]

I mean longer 'naps'. Like I would say to myself "ok I'll go to sleep for an hour at the most" but then I would just push it and wake up having missed 4 hours (if I was lucky). I still enjoy naps, cos YAY, but when things were bad or creep up sleeping is a big part of being really sad or depressed and can only bring you down further if you succumb to it, especially when you're not even sleepy.

[Panzadolphin56]

Ohhh, yeah, that does sound bad.

I think Wry Guy's right, having a plan is a big part of it, and being able to problem solve your own shit, and feeling like you have a purpose generally in life all help.

[GlowBear]

Yeah. Having a plan is a good step and then pushing yourself to physically get up and do something about it. But don't make a whole list of intricate plans like I did. Everyday as a form of time passing or to feel like I accomplished something I'd make mundane lists. These would included nonsense such as "moisturise". I always make lists, lists are good, but those sort for those reasons don't help and thankfully the past year has had me resume normal list activities

[satchbag]

I definitely have a personality bent towards introspection. This doesn't always lead to depression. I'm in a pretty good season right now. But when I fall, I fall pretty low. It's the fun, mindless things that get me back up in the spirit at least to do something.

Watching Game Grumps has proven to be a pretty helpful remedy in those situations. It's like gaming only without the frustration.