[Level 10: Lobster Milkshake]
Internet Achievements - Olympics of Cyberspace
The purpose of this thread is to share your crowning internet achievements with the world. Ever do something funny, and nobody believes you? Did you have a brush with efame? Did someone die because you cyberbulls? Well, share your story here.
Remember, you are committing your story to historical record, to be passed on through the ages. That's why there are some rules in place. Because, history.
Don't miss the point of this thread.
Be entertaining. Nobody wants to hear you brag about raising money for charity or something gay like that.
Only post 1 story every 24 hours.
No stories about using other people's memes. Originality is key.
Cyberbullying, illegal activities and murder are allowed and encouraged as story topics.
Try to keep the stories real. (Though, a good tale is a good tale, regardless of whether it's true or not, right?)
If you suck, we'll vote to banish you from the thread.
If you wish to rate someone else's story, please do! Tell them whether you believe that the story was true or false and give them a X/10 score for its entertainment value.
Yes this is awesome I like it! Hope to see some good stuff come from here <3
0/10 I don't believe you.
Originally Posted by Firion
*Fake and gay/10
[Level 10: Lobster Milkshake]
Tales of Furcadia
I destroyed an entire universe of furries.
Let me explain, from the beginning. Circa 2000 I discovered furry fandom for the very first time. It was right before Something Awful started writing pieces to mock furries and a couple years before MTV ran its infamous True Life episode. They were pretty obscure, even by underground standards, at the time.
I didn't hate them at first, I just thought they were funny. I'm generally a live-and-let-live type of guy, and I genuinely understand that people are just weird sometimes. Then, about 3 years later, I discovered the horrors of Furcadia.
See, I was an avid UO player (more stories to come about that.) and I heard about this game that looked a lot like UO, that was created by one of UO's original developer's. I figured it was just a fantasy game, despite the obvious name. Remember, furries were pretty obscure, and these were more innocent pre-DeviantArt times.
I downloaded the game, got into character creation and suddenly realized what the hell I was getting into. This game was basically UO for furries. There was no combat (pve or pvp) but that's essentially what it was. I panicked, and almost immediately uninstalled it... but curiosity already had me in its pawed clutches. I made a character and began to explore. The die had been cast, and there was no going back now.
The world looked like a 256 color version of heaven, but invaded by anthropomorphic hellfiends. There were pillows, waterfalls, exotic ruins and palm trees, everywhere. Then, I found the true meaning of horror upon adventuring in the "Furrabian Nights" the adults-only section.
At this point, you already know what that means. There was an entire in-game city of furries just cyber-fucking in the most aberrant ways possible. The very first place I encountered was "The Slave Stable." Basically, you'd go sit in a horse stall at this stable and masters could buy you, take you home, and make you do unspeakable things to them over the internet. There was a dildo in the middle of the stable, and if you sat down on it, there would be a bouncing up and down animation. Sheer terror.
Well, it didn't take long for me to realize that this wasn't only a trolling opportunity, but a mission sent from God. Something had to be done to stop... whatever this was. I started discovering interesting ways to exploit the basic rules of the game.
The game was isometric, and players could not pass through each other. That means characters could be lined up into doorways and along hallways to physically block someone from passing. There was no way to fast travel or teleport, etc. So, I started running as many clients as I could, to create as many characters as possible and to trap furries inside buildings. When my computer couldn't handle any more, I start running clients on a second computer, and then a third. I had about 50 or so characters, that could all be coordinated and controlled to corral and funnel victims into buildings.
There was only one way for a furry to be allowed to escape. They had to defeat me in a freestyle rap battle.
I got really good at this. I even started making my characters' palettes match the grass/ground tiles, so they could lie invisibly, in wait. My army of grass ninjas was completely undetectable when lying out in a pasture, and could spring into a wall to trap passersby. I also learned that if my laid my characters down and hit the rotate button, I could make them breakdance. Many break battles were had with the unwilling captives.
This was all well and good, and created a great deal of strife among the community, but, there were far too many of them to eternally trap them all. Even when I recruited friends, we were too few. I needed to find a final solution.
I decided to change up my strategy and exploit another mechanic- dream portals. A "dream" was a tiny personal world, hosted on the Furcadia servers. Once you made a dream, a "portal" would appear on the ground, and display the title to your dream. If you stepped on it, you would automatically be transported to the dream.
At first, I used the dream editor to make a hellish place with "DIE FURRIES" spelled out of flashing fire tiles. (Of course, there were plenty of dungeon tiles/objects for the BDSM crowd.) I left it in some tight places and tricked some of them into entering. It didn't actually trap them, as they could leave dreams at any time. I had to ramp up my game.
I coordinated with 2 friends and wrote a macro script for generating dreams on a loop. I took all 50+ of my clients, and with the my small team, spammed thousands upon thousands of dreams to surround the entrance to Furrabian Nights. Every time someone would log in, they would be surrounded by these things, and fall into a dream. Inside each dream, they would immediately land on an exit tile, that would spit them back out. They would then appear near the dream they fell into. Since there were so many dreams being generated in that area, they would just fall into another dream immediately. Thus, creating an infinite loop.
At this point, I was laughing my ass off, watching the furries immediately appear and disappear into my hell-dream. It was more successful than I had imagined, as nearly the entire population of the adults-only server became trapped forever in limbo. Then, the game began to lag, quite a bit. Then it lagged even worse, then... I got a pop up on all my screens saying that I was disconnected.
At first I thought I had been banned. I was behind some proxies, so I just moved onto new ones and tried to log in again. I couldn't connect. What actually happened is that I stressed the servers so hard, that they crashed. All of them crashed. I expected them to come back up... but they didn't. A couple days passed and they were still down. An announcement was made on the website that Furcadia would be down for months to fix the servers and to patch the client to prevent this from happening again. It was down for the entire summer, and then some. Everyone lost everything they had in game, and it ended up being a total wipe by the time it went back up.
Achievement Unlocked: Fail to Read The Manual
So I downloaded Danganronpa last week for my stream (for the PSP, since Vita streaming is out of the question). Of course, it was in Japanese, so I needed to patch it. I downloaded the fan-translation patch, started to patch it, and it didn't patch. I wondered what was going on. I spent about 30 minutes trying to figure it out myself, using various patching programs and whatnot. Nothing. THEN I look at the patch website and find out that the reason it's not working is because I needed the "greatest hits" version of Danganronpa (well, it's not called "greatest hits" in Japan; it's called "the best"). Should've read the manual.
Okay, now that the "mildly amusing" (at best) tale is out of the way, time for some stories that you may find hard to believe. Or not. These stories all took place during my years in middle school, where I spent A LOT of free time on Steam playing stuff like Garry's Mod and Counter Strike. I had a small group of friends that I played with. Let's call them E, C, and Jon Snow (
the only person I can think of a semi-clever nickname it's not clever at all).
Achievement Unlocked: Inadvertently Ruin Someone's School Life
One day, Jon Snow and I decided to video chat. I had a web cam attached to my laptop. He had one. Somewhere. I guess. So we did. He was a bit younger than me. Nothing really off there (it's not like he was a fat, balding, 40 year old man). But we had two other people video chatting with us. Jon Snow's girlfriend and her friend. That was okay. Nothing off there either. So we just chatted a bit. Then I brought up Naruto. Being a middle schooler with interest in Naruto, I asked Jon Snow if he'd read up to a certain point (or something like that). He got mad at me. Once the two girls had left, he told me that I shouldn't have talked about Naruto. He said that his girlfriend, who was a cheerleader, would be in trouble because of it. I didn't really understand. Later, he told me that his girlfriend had been taken off of the cheerleader team because she was dating someone who liked Naruto. And the coach had been okay with it.
Yeah. That actually happened. I still don't believe it myself.
Achievement Unlocked: Almost Become a Furry
Sometime during my years of spending time daily with these friends, I learned that Jon Snow was a furry. I had no issue with it. I was like "okay, this guy's a furry, so what". Then he wanted to give me an opportunity to experience being a furry. I think I refused for a while, but eventually said that I would give it a try. So I created a furry character. Don't ask me what it was like. No idea. And then he suggested that we try "yiffing". I don't know if you know what that is. But basically my understanding of it was that it's like sex chat. With your characters. I don't know why, but I agreed to it.
So we did that for about five minutes before I called it quits. I was laughing my ass off. I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't keep a straight face about it.
Achievement Unlocked: Nearly Kill Someone
Did someone "die because I cyberbulls"? Hey, I did that! I don't know how it started, but Jon Snow's girlfriend got on Steam sometime or another, and we DESPISED each other. Man, I don't remember what our beef was, but we were not friends. Sometime or another I got into a chat with her, and I cyber-bullied her into oblivion. Not literally. But she was threatening suicide. Multiple times. She said she'd slit her wrists. And she went on and on about how her family and neighbors would be sad. Of course, that didn't deter me. I forget how it ended. I think she might have called 911 or something. I seem to recall being told something about an ambulance headed for her house. But either way, I know she didn't actually go through with it.
That all said, I would never cyberbully someone like that again. That was beyond idiotic of me to continually provoke someone who was threatening suicide.
Achievement Unlocked: Get an eGirlfriend
Ready to cringe? I hope so. Let's get someone other than Jon Snow in on these stories for once. Not C. That douchebag isn't in any of these. I'm talking about E. Now, E was a girl. I don't know when (although I suspect we must have been friends for at least a year), but I think it was I who proposed that we start "going out". You cringing yet? I hope so. So we acted like we were "going out" for the longest time. I remember that we planned on watching Titanic on Youtube together (by starting it simultaneously). Eventually she broke up with me, saying that I deserved someone better than her.
Man, I'm cringing at my own stuff here.
Achievement Unlocked: Be a Victim of Sequence Breaking
Alright, got a softer story to end on here. So I used to create little "games" in Garry's Mod for Jon Snow to go through. What I mean by that is...I would download a map, set up props and enemies, and then have him go through it. In this instance it would be a map called something to the effect of "Silent Hill". I set up zombies and the like, set up some gates, put some keys to the gates for him to find, and so on. The "end" of the level was right next to the "start" of the level. There was a giant spaceship hovering in the air that would "extract" Jon Snow after making it through Silent Hill. Of course, I put some gates between the starting point and the ending point. So after hours of work, I told Jon Snow that I was ready. I teleported him to the start of the level. He immediately jumps through a gap in the fence between the start and end of the level and skips 99% of the game.
Sequence breaking. I tell ya. It can be a developer's worst nightmare.
That's all I've got. Believe it or not. All this stuff actually happened. I wish I could remember more entertaining stories from my days on Steam, but right now I can't think of anything else of significance.
I guess I'd lean real. These were the early days of the internet where something like that would still be possible. Sounds pretty hilarious, I think I would've just never logged on, stuff like that creeps me out. I'm also a live and let live person but geez ._. Anyway pretty damn funny.
[Level 9: Chuck Norris]
Christ, I remember Furcadia. I accidentally came across it while searching for an alternative to Graal Online. Back then I didn't know anything about furries so my entire experience was one of "Wait what. Why. How is this a game. Stop. No." until I quit about an hour later. Luckily most of my innocense was still left intact as I never went towards those 18+ areas. I mean, 18+ with animal avatars? For what purpose?
Based on some of the stories I'd later hear from that place, I wouldn't be surprised if that shit happened there.
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